The Secret Zen

Fix or change for a new year

2010-01-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

Throwing away old stuff always give me a sense of relief. Perhaps because it removes the clutter that have been in the way for so long. However sometimes sentiments over something holds me back. It is not easy to throw away old memories especially the happy-turn-rotten ones.

I started the first day of the new year shopping with a friend...hmm..bought 2 black dresses...oops..that is a staple for my job...but I need more colors...I returned home...glad to see my cousin at my house. I spent the night chatting to my virtual special friend, Saint. The chat ended with a bad taste, deleting this person from my msn and leaving me insomnia till 4+am. I was disgusted at how selfish and greedy some man can be.

Feeling the hangover of bad mood, I went to the hair salon, wanting a new and light look. I rebonded and cut my hair and fringe. hmmm..perhaps I look younger but not really different...I ended up overspending again...bought 2 bags from Gracious Aires costing me close to $200...shucks I should start saving.....

How I hope Saturday will never end. The thought of getting back to work dreads me. I hate to face all the outstanding issues and pressure. I told myself that I need to be positive. Yes I am in the midst of finding ways to be positive.

I love Christmas!

2009-12-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

Christmas is always my favorite holiday. I feel that love is in the air. I start a new habit years back...where I give little gifts more people other than close friends. Sometimes you get pleasant surprises.

This year, I received the following gifts:
1) Lancome lip gloss from Deon
2) Clinique blusher from Joanna
3) Chocolate fondue set from Sexy (18 Dec dinner)
4) Precious Moment Photo Frame with "Irene and Me" Photos from Irene
5) Crystal bear key chain from Sexy
6) Grapefruit sea salt from Nancy
7) Rose bath salt from Lilian
8) Mini Christmas Tree and notebook from Sheryl
9) Robin Sharma book and Japanese bookmarks from Buddy Serene
10) Red doggie pouch and M&S Chocolate from Cousin Pei San
11) Harrods little black bag from Sis Trixy
12) T-shirt and pouch from Sis Huihui
13) Coin purse from Angeline
14) Shell necklace from Leelee
15) Godiva chocolate from Kokhwee
16) Belt from Mandy
17) Crabtree Evelyn handcream and M&S Chocolate from Sharon
18) Mango handcream and shower gel from Cherie
19) Taiwan musical display, shell bracelet, glass tortoise in a bottle and mummy keychain from Buddy Pao Chun
20) Precious Moment "Love" Figurine & Hershey chocolate from Hwee Yinn
21) Good Luck Vampire from Cindy

I invited my aunties and cousins to my house for a Christmas Lunch on 25th Dec. Happy! Happy! And I Merry Christmas myself with many new dresses haha...

All I wish for Christmas is Good health, Peace and Happiness!

Friendship with scar

2009-06-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

What is your priority in life? Love, Family, Career and Friendship. The answer is to balance them. I know it is a challenge...Thus I make decision based on timing & importance.

I know some friends who prioritise love as their first priority. I have a friend whose calls kept coming in from her bf everytime I go out with her. I feel irritated. Thus you get a feeling that you go out with her and her boyfriend.

Then I also know a friend who has to check with her boyfriend whether he free before she decides to go out or abandon us. We are adults. Why do we have to make decision based on others' decision? This really pissed me off. Are we your backup plan should your date fails to fall through.

I also know one friend who wear clothes based on her boyfriend's preference. She likes purple but her boyfriend don't. Thus she suppresses her liking and following her boyfriend's liking. Can you make your own decision? If that love of yours leave you, will you be lost since your decision is based on someone else?

Another friend of mine is the champion. She appears in gathering only when she breaks up with her boyfriend. Otherwise she disappeared in her love world.

Whatever decision you make, you will have to make sacrifices. If you sacrifice friendship and choose love, then you will lose some friends. If you sacrifice family and choose career, then you will lose it. Thus balance it.

Escape

2009-03-02T02:32:00.000-08:00

It is already March! Time flied. It has been 2 months of anger, resentment and frustration dealing with stuff at work that I decided to take a 2 days break.

I woke up and was glad that it is a sunny day. I changed into my 3/4 pants and T-shirt and headed off to Bugis. It has been some time since I went out leisurely alone. I went to Guan Yin Temple to pray and thank for the blessings. Then went window shopping at Bugis Street and Haji Lane.

After walking for several hours, I decided to treat myself NYDC cake. I chose a seat by the window and enjoyed the view showing the people shopping at the hylam street. Taking my book to read while waiting for the cake and drink to be served. Ocassional indulgence. And it came to my surprise when I saw the bill over $16 for just a cake and a drink.

Glad that time passed slowly. I wondered if some angels have wound the time back. Then I took a train home. In the train, I was thinking how fortunate I am to have a break,

Forgive and forget

2009-02-17T06:39:00.000-08:00

Recently, a colleague J passed away due to cancer. I felt heavy even though I was not close to her. I got to know J through my ex-lunch kakis. She used to travel with me and the group to Cambodia for the missionary trip in Feb 2007.

Months ago, J requested to add me as a friend in facebook but I rejected. I felt that she was a selfish person and I did not want a friend like that. However when news of her passing spread, I felt a sense of regret.

Perhaps I should learn to forgive and forget.

Don't remind me of Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

I had a super busy and tiring day. Screamed too much at agency till my voice is hoarse. I have met many people. Glad that I have made some contacts. I feel so relieved that the event is over.

Tomorrow is Valentine's day. I have never celebrated Valentine's Day. Virgin Valentine Day still available hahahah...coz the first relationship ended before that. On this day, I never like to go out. Seeing other ladies carrying flowers make me envious and jealous.

The happiest Valentine's Day I had was when I worked in a florist at Tampines Mall many years ago. I enjoyed seeing those guys coming to buy and send flowers to their loved one. I can felt that love was in the air. I could see that they are excited and happy to meet their date.

Ironically, I feel lucky that I am kept busy tomorrow. I will be out working and then going to boss's wedding. So that I have an excuse that I have no time to celebrate Valentine's Day. A sour feeling I guess.

Unsung hero - Insult or Praise?

2009-02-09T06:45:00.000-08:00

I first learnt of the term "Unsung hero" in American idol and William Hung got that title. When the company gives the title as a reward to a colleague of mine. I felt happy yet angry for her. Why? Happy that she got her recognition after hard work. Angry with why the award was named "Unsung hero".

Is it because it is given to staff of lower rank only? Is it because the work done is considered easy? I will never want to receive such award as I feel that it is an insult to my pride and hard work. Why go managers get to receive platinum, gold and silver award while admin staff have to receive "Unsung hero" award? If "Unsung hero" award is given to me, I will tear it into pieces as I do not want it to remind me of the discrimination.

HR, I think you badly need to revamp the title of the award as you are promoting discrimination and biases.

Edge of Mental Capacity

2009-02-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

I have not been blogging since November. I guess because I was too tied up with work and sick with complaining. At some point, I even feel that I am going to go crazy..with speeding heart beats, anxiety and chest pain. I constantly reminded myself to stay positive.

Thanks for my lunch kakis who are always there to listen and bear with my "cow bei cow pu" stories. I feel like a coward at times escaping responsibility and constantly escaping reality through eating and grumbling. This is very unhealthy.

When I encountered a conflict with a close colleague, I felt sad and disheartened. I hope the relationship will not sour further. However I already started to feel that we have drifted apart since I left the company more than 1 year back.

I guess I need to relax and let go. Today I woke up, thinking that it was Monday and was full of fear. Sigh...

Many 1st time

2008-11-09T07:02:00.000-08:00

This year has been an exciting year for me. Filled with many 1st times:
- Went travelling with a new friend
- Went Taiwan for the 1st time
- Another coming soon - 1st time celebrating my birthday overseas.

Hope the coming year will be filled with many happy 1st time. :)

Life is so Fragile :(

2008-09-20T23:40:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I received a sms that my ex-colleague, Mr Ben Tan has passed away due to heart attack. I am shocked and sad to hear the news.

He is a very nice guy. I remember he used to help me when another nasty colleague don't. I will confide to him when I am feeling down. He always add laughter to the group. He used to tell me that it is important to live happily in life and take it easy when meet obstacles.

He is trying to slim down as it will lead to a more healthy lifestyle. He is also taking Chinese Physician Course so that he will be able to help people. Unfortunately, life is unpredictable.

I kept thinking of how he has touched my life. I will always remember that I have such a good colleague.

Rest in Peace, Ben :(

Overstressed

2008-09-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

Working for people no longer gives me a great sense of satisfaction.

I can't wait to fulfill my dream - to open my own concept jewellery store.

I want to improve the lives of my family, giving me a chance to bring my whole family for holidays.

I can no longer stand the long wait. Thus I have found the courage to complete a course which I thought would provide me a shortcut to my dream. However I never know that it could bring me so much stress.

I lost my personal life. I lost my sleep. I lost my focus. I started to question myself if this is the right route. If I continue the path, will it have adverse effects on me and my life. Will I be able to overcome the stress or end up in the Mental Hospital?

I felt like giving up but I feel useless like a coward. I felt that I had not done enough. I was overwhelmed with fear. Fear of complexity, fear of failure......

God, please give me strength to go on with life. Pls tell me what to do.

What makes you fall in love?

2008-06-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my colleagues and I were discussing about love life over lunch. Two married and two single. I was surprised to find out that all of us met jerks. I was glad that I was not the only one.

Kathryn mentioned that he just knew this Denmark guy during her recent diving trip. He was the diving instructor. She did not find him attractive when she first knew him. But one sentence changed her mind. They are talking about what their happiest moment in life was. Both of them happened to have the same answer - when I went diving and I saw a whale. At that moment, she thought he was the guy that she was looking for. Perhaps this was called chemistry.

If you asked me what make me fall in love previously, I suddenly couldn't find an answer. Perhaps what I thought was true love is only an infatuation.

Many WHYs are swimming in my mind

2008-06-09T07:20:00.000-07:00

Thanks Maggie. I felt better.Throw away some inferiority and some fear. Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone when I am trying to hide my feelings from the rest of the world. Thanks for believing in me when I am about to give up on myself. Thanks for giving some courage to restart a new life.

Thanks Shermaine and Irene. They reminded me of the dream that I have. They have given me encouragement simply by appreciating my designs. Throw away some procrastination.

Today, I am still asking myself many WHYs. My current state of life is made of many ironies
- A dream job is presented right in front of me. And I rejected it due to my personal circumstances. But my heart is full of regrets and battling to convince myself that I have made the right choice. Why???
- I told myself to get a job which I didn't have to work weekends due to my commitment to my jewellery making. And I did one ironically. Why???
- I am a marketing person. But I guess my personality has turned from introverted to anti-social. Why???
- I told myself to give up on someone but he is still stuck in my mind. My heart seems to be waiting. Why???

My actions are contradicting with my thoughts. Somehow I feel lost. Sometimes I don't even believe myself. As I wonder on the street today, I feel the emptiness of my life.

Chaotic mind

2008-05-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

I don't feel like expressing myself. I don't feel like talking to anyone.

I couldn't smile.

I couldn't concentrate and focus on what I want to do. I feel restless.

I couldn't think properly.

I feel frustrated or irritated for no reason.

I feel victimised. Why am I feeling like a loser before the battle even begin?

I seem to have lost my energy, motivation and interest of life.

Is this depression??? I keep asking myself why I am landed in this state again. I know that the greatest enemy is myself. I know that there is fear, regret and anger. How can I overcome them? Will I become mentally unsound one day? That thought frightens me.

Life choices

2008-04-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

I have a very bad habit. I like to dwell on bad happenings and keep my feelings without dissolving them. I cannot let go the feelings easily and when I do, the matter has progressed to a stage that is irreversible. I find that I run away from reality more than staying to solve the problem. This habit has created regrets and unhappiness in my life.

I realised that this habit has also hindered my career progress. If I am given a chance to start all over again, I will have stay in my job at Paragon. I will not have quitted my current job. But everything is too late. Non of the events are reversible. I should have followed my heart. My rebellious and stubborn nature has created another path for me.

For the past 3 weeks, I cannot sleep well over the decision that I have made. This is the first time that I feel that there is no way out. I pondered over the questions: Where is my priority? Jewellery business or Career?

If I choose jewellery business, what do I lack of and how I can progress from there? Do my current job allows me time to do my own stuff? Am I escaping from the frustration and anger at my current workplace? Should I leave now when my bosses started to look highly on me?

If I choose career, it will be like an insurance for me. If my jewellery business failed, I will have something to fall back on. The new opportunity gives me more career prospects. However life will become hectic.

Even though I have already made the decision, my heart has chosen a mid-route. I told myself nothing is impossible. I have chosen a challenging path. I will continue to do my jewellery in the midst of my upcoming busy life. I am afriad that my health will fail me. I am afraid that my passion for jewellery making will slowly dissolved. Fear suddenly overwhelmed me, making me regreted over my choice.

Everything is irreversible now. I have to look forward. I learnt a lesson: Listen and follow your heart. Bless me.

In a Big Dilemma

2008-03-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have been asking myself what I really wanted in my life. A successful career? A normal 9 -5 job which allows time for my jewellery business?

I am in a big big dilemma. I am so sick of keep changing jobs and readjusting in a new environment. I am afriad that I will make the wrong choice again.

Choosing A - A job which gives me better prospects but likely to be a hectic one. I may have no time to pursue my dream.

Choosing B - To stay in my current job. The culture here is a push factor. However there is improvement recently. I know that the boss begins to think highly of me. Should I just give up half way? Will things improve? This job allows me more free time for doing my jewellery?

Time to think and think.

Shit hole

2008-02-19T05:06:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I blogged. I avoided to blog as I was afraid that this journal would become a swearing script.

Yes I am angry 90% of the time. I blew my top a no. of time that I felt that I had somehow lost control of my temper and emotions. I scratched my documents into pieces with a pen when trying to accept some ideas that I was not convinced. I ran out of the meeting room when I could hear no more nonsense. I almost broke a pen when trying to listening to my boss's way of doing things. I shouted at a super rude delivery guy. I slammed the phone so hard that I thought the handle will break into two.

Yes I am unhappy. I wanted to stop quitting my job. But I found that this was the most ridiculous place to work in. Some examples are as follow:
1) Calling me five times when I am on mc
2) Calling me on non-working Saturday 9am to instruct me things that can be done on Mon
3) Keep asking me to change the ad without knowing what they want. Concept changes can be as many as five times. I have over twenty versions for one ad. Oh god, I need a mind reader!!!
4) Asking to book ad this week when the concept/ design of the ad was not yet finalised. It has always been a rat race...chasing endless deadlines.
5) Seeing the visual several times with minor amendments each time and major changes at the last round. It was like a heart attack each time.
6) Approved on a visual and after it was being printed, asked me to tell him what was wrong with the ad.
7) Deadlines were never fixed. Postpone again and again. Then we realised the project was launched two months later. We rushed and rushed and in the end, you felt like scolding "#*^&%#@#".

I voted my workplace as the worst place one will ever work in. 5 Stars *****

Lessons in Entrepreneurship

2007-10-18T05:09:00.000-07:00

Recently, there are many changes in my life. A new job. A new course. A new retail space to sell my jewellery. I experienced different emotions during this phase. Excited about my new discovery and learning. Angry over the different working culture. Fearful of the big and bigger risk that I have taken. Happy that I have made new friends.

I rediscovered myself from a meek and lifeless mouse to a aggressive tigeress. Perhaps entreprenuership has caused in the change in my character. I become more hardworking..went sourcing on weekends and working till 4am on saturdays to work on my jewellery pieces. I love the challenge to test my new idea and formulate a strategy to test whether it really works.

At work, I stood up for my viewpoint more strongly. I saw the "me" during the poly days where I was very aggressive in leading the project team. Unfortunately,the company culture is not approving such attitude.

I felt angry. I tried to look at a positive side, telling myself that I could slowly overcame this. But the biggest problem is the management hears but not listens. They rejected ideas without really listening to the main point or understanding the concept. The reason they gave was "Not nice!! Cannot!!" I am very frustrated because they don't understand what concept is, telling me to change the name of the development without changing the concept...huh....does that relate to the name of the development???? I told myself that I will not make this mistake if I become an entreprenuer in the future.

Another mistake I learnt was that they did not trust their employees...Can you imagine that I have to get my CEO to approve the directional signage that comes with a logo and arrow???...OMG...so unproductive!!! Designs are subjective and guess how many times the design has been changed. Think it is going to break the Guinness World of Records.

The worst thing that happen to me is that I am reporting to an Operations Manager who does not understand what Marketing is all about...who does not know what a DM stands and ask me to do whatever the boss likes. I got so furious that I asked him why and what he hired me for. I am not here to just take instructions. A maid can do that.

Enough of grumbles! I will tolerate for the sake of my dream till a suitable opportunity comes.....

Vulnerability

2007-09-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

You are vulnerable when
1) you are sick
2) you have no family or family that you cannot relate to
3) you have no friends or friends that are physically but not emotionally there

I remember that I nearly fainted a few times when I was young. Yes my mum was with me. Yes my cousin was with me. Many things ran through my mind these days. Maybe because I was not feeling well.

I was feeling dizzy on last Friday but I still went ahead to source for my jewellery supplies. I asked myself what if I fainted on the street and no one would ever care.

Today I went jogging. Maybe I had not been training for some time. After running for about 2km, I felt uncomfortable. Suddenly my vision became blurred. I tried hard to figure my way to cross the road and sat on the step at a HDB flat. After resting, I felt much better and my vision regained. I walked all the way back, acknowledging my failure.

I realised that I had always put up a brave front in the eyes of everyone. I hardly showed my true feelings to anyone. There were times that I felt so tired but I could not show. There were times I felt so alone in the world. There were some time I asked myself where my true friends were. Perhaps blog is the only place where I can truly be myself.

Taxi Fight

2007-09-21T05:47:00.000-07:00

No taxi in sight!!! More and more people flagging the cab in front of you!!!!! These are the common problems that we face when trying to get a cab.

This is a "hair-pulling" experience especially when you are rushing for time. 10mins passed. I saw a young lady flagging about 3m away from me. I stared at her furiously. Then I saw her crossing to the opposite street to flag. 5mins later, a middle-aged lady started flagging and got away in a taxi. 10mins passed. Another group of 3 came and flag about 2m away from me. By this time, I am not going to give them a chance ...I walked past them, stood about 5m in front of them and then flagging.

Finally, I managed to get a taxi.

Silence

2007-09-20T06:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hope that my mind can stop talking to me at a moment, giving me some peace.

Sometimes I wish that I can eliminate silence. Do you realise that we are lost of words and there is an awkward silence when we meet up with friends that we have not seen for some time?

It hurts when you care but you do not know how to express. Suddenly you are afriad that you will lose the friendship and becomes like strangers. It takes great effort to maintain relationships. If we don't do so, the relationship will become bland.

Imposter

2007-09-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

I am a tai tai. I am an entrepreneur. I am an investor. How I wish all these are real. At least I am acting in my dreams...Haha...I enjoyed playing these roles when I visited showflats...

Shhhh......In reality, I am an imposter...in more refined term "mystery shopper" doing competitive checks...or actress-in-training haha....suddenly I am inspired to become a real estate agent...

"Ohhh...I am thinking of converting my new house into a home office...a design studio. Which are the 2-bedroom units left? How much are you selling per sqf?" - Yeah....I am an entreprenuer!!!

"Thanks for showing me around. Let me go back and discuss with my hubby?" - Suddenly I am married hehe....shucks where is the 3-carat diamond ring? Damn...should ask company to sponsor me as prop.

I nearly let the cat out when a property agent walked me out and asked me where I parked my car. Luckily I acted fast and said,"Ohh....my car is sent for maintenance. I took a cab here. " I suddenly think of the movie "Liar Liar"

It is fun!!! I should visit more showflats.

Toe Scare!

2007-09-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I nearly lost my toes. Thanks to my colleague. If not, I have to say,"Goodbye, Toes!"

After lunch, my colleagues were going up the escalator to go back to the carpark. We were chatting about the new shoes that they just bought. I was trying to stand sideways to face them. Subconsciously, I leaned one of my foot against the side of the escalator. Suddenly I realised that it was stuck. I was trying to pull out my shoe but couldn't. Thus I told my colleagues. I was wondering why I didn't pull out my foot first.

Luckily one of my colleagues pulled it from the back, saving my toes. What a close shave! We were very near the end of the escalator. Then I turned behind and realised that there was a handsome guy behind us. So embarrassing! I found it more hilarious than feeling scared.

I nearly broke the Singapore's record of first adult's toes being stuck on escalator. Phew!!!

Do you believe in Serendipity?

2007-09-04T06:22:00.000-07:00

Today I was sitting in the bus on my way to work when I suddenly thought of this movie "Serendipity". I watched this movie about 6 years ago. I was wondering what Serendipity meant.

Serendipity is an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident or simply good fortune or luck. The story is about two strangers, Jonthan and Sara who meet, love at first sight and play the game of fate.

Sara had written her name and contact no on the first page of the book that she has rented from a bookstore while Jonathan had written his on a note. This started the game of fate where they will plan to unite if they found that particular book and note. In the end, they found it and each other a few years later. Is it fate or just serendipity?

Perhaps serendipity gives you a hope to achieve what is perceived to be impossible. Should I continue to follow my heart and believe in serendipity? Or should I let go and leave in to fate?

I love learning NEW THINGS!

2007-09-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....I just realised that I had turned into Ms Grumpy for the past month. I want to become Ms Happy again. I always feel good when I learn new things.

Jewellery making, photography, belly dancing, kickboxing and now writing......so excited......also get to know new friends of all ages.....and now got a chance to learn like an journalist intern...going with instructor's to press conferences or special previews...learning how to conduct interviews and write articles and reviews...After attending the first class, I am already determined to take the advanced classes.

Next items on the learning list: Photoshop, web design, advanced writing and advanced belly dancing.

Anger Therapy

2007-08-31T06:36:00.000-07:00

Cool down........control your temper! This has been my self-talk line for the past few weeks. I need to release the negative energy somewhere so I decided to vent it through my blog. If not, I think I will suffer from internal bleeding.

If plotting the temperature of boiling blood on a chart for the past 27 years, the peak was during my secondary school days....gone down during poly days....went up during initial years of working....down and up again.

I began to learn to manage my anger in some ways. Though some of them are wierd, they are rather useful. They are:
1) Go to a room where no one can see you. Jump and jump till you feel very tired. Then you find yourself not so angry at that particular person.
2) Go to the restroom and use your leg to bang/ slam the door damn hard.
3) Go jogging. Run like the roadrunner...as fast as you can. Disclaimer: I shall not be responsible for any risk you undertake here.
4) Go to a quiet corner of the beach and shout as loud as you can till you feel better.
5) Drink lots and lots of cold water.

Two days ago, I was going home with a super explosive mood. A guy nearly closed the lift door straight into my face. Luckily I got in fast. I stared at him angrily. There was no apology and not even an apologetic look. Blood started boiling within me. My mind was already imagining me kicking him in the lift.

When the lift opened, I went out first. When I climbed up the stairs, I vented all my anger to my heels, making damn loud noise. That stupid guy looked at me. I gave him the look of "if you look somemore, my heels will land on your ugly face!"

After I cooled down, I was rather amused by my own doing.

Headless monster

2007-08-29T05:13:00.000-07:00

Since I started this new job, my heart has been playing tug-of-war. I clearly knew that I did not follow my heart when making this decision. I have made the choice to feel logically correct.

Every day on my way to work, the angel and devil are actively fighting in my mind.

Angel: Try it. If you succeed, you will gain a very good exposure and portfolio.
Devil: You can guess what is the culture like. Why do you want to let history repeat again?
Angel: Property market is good. Maybe it is a good opportunity.
Devil: But you are not interested in residential property. Why do you have to force yourself?
Angel: Since you cannot find your ideal job in the fashion industry, take this challenge and at least it provides a source of income.
Devil: If you quit again, it reflects very badly in your resume.
Angel: It is a challenge. It gives you more room to use your talent.
Devil: If the culture is like that, do you think you have the power to change it or the bosses' idea? Do you want to work like a slave, always depending on bosses' unpredictable liking?

The above conversation kept playing in my mind. Slowly I got to understand the culture a bit better. Damnnnnnn......it is a headless monster!!! No direction! Fickle-minded! Conservative!

Today I am SUPER PISSEDDDDDDDD!!!!! There was no direction given in terms of the theme of the interior design. I asked the team for more information about the property and theme. My boss was telling me that there was no theme and went ahead briefed the agency. So I came out of some ideas to brief the agencies. The agencies reverted with the designs. I then presented to the GM. GM has chosen a design which I would never have chosen. So I quickly worked on it as I have a very tight timeline. I even asked my boss if they would need to go though the higher management. No.

Suddenly, my boss came to me and ask me to present to the CEO. I was surprised as I had asked the agency to go ahead and make some changes.

Guess what??? The CEO wanted 4 agencies to re-propose the designs and wanted something more clean and simple. I nearly killed myself when I heard this. WHY WAS THE DIRECTION NOT EVEN EARLIER? I brought up the concern on the timeline. However he insisted that we hadenough time. I was extremely furious.

I immediately called all the agencies. I think the agencies must be wondering, "WHY IS THE DIRECTION NOT EVEN EARLIER?".

I am thinking "FXXX, what the hell are you all doing? Do you understand concepts? Or do you based on your so-called taste?" Someone, pls save me. Find me a new job!!!

Sentenced to life imprisonment

2007-08-24T05:07:00.000-07:00

Most of us live outside the prison but some of our minds are locked inside the prison.

Recently I know a person who lived under the mercy of others. I could see how miserable his life was. However I doubted he knew that he was living in his own mind prison. When I talked to him about his opinions, he did not seem to have a standpoint and would repeat many times that "Do whatever the boss likes". Initially I was surprised at his words.

I was thinking, "Do power withdraw your ability to voice out? Do you have to swallow your pride when someone spit at you? Why do you have to act like a puppet, moving under the fingers of the holder? Why do you view your job as a mean of living and not a passion? Do you feel lost when you don't know what your boss is thinking? Will working under such culture make you feel happy?" Many questions popped out in my head. I feel angry and sorry for him.

I will never allow myself to fall under that mind trap. If not, no one but you have sentenced yourself life imprisonment.